In the name of Allah, The Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful

10 Tips on Dealing Patiently with People
Based on the work of Ibn Taymiyya

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The believer’s situation is amazing because whatever happens to him is good for him. If something that makes him happy occurs, he is thankful and it is good for him. And if something that makes him sad occurs he is patient and it
is good for him. And this is only the situation of a believer.

There are three types of patience:

1. Patience upon doing good deeds.
2. Patience to stay away from sins.
3. Patience in the face of calamities and difficulties.

The final form of patience itself can be further divided into 2 types:

• Patience in the face of difficulties that are “Acts of God” such as bereavement, sickness, accidents, etc..
• Patience in the face of difficulties that occur on the hands of others (ie. When others hurt you)

The final form of patience is the most difficult and the Prophet (peace be upon him) experienced it often especially from the ill-mannered Bedouins. He said (peace be upon him): “May Allah bless my brother Moosa. He was tested with more than this and was patient.” Because of the fact that you
have the ability to retaliate this form of patience is more difficult than when
you have no such ability to retaliate such as in the case of bereavement or
sickness.

10 tips on Being Patient:

1. 1) Allah says in the Quran: “The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one that is better, then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and in this world of a high moral character).” (Fussilat 41:34-35)

   Respond to evil with goodness.

   ** Why? When you realize that Allah is the creator of the people and their actions and that it is Allah who gave them the ability to do this particular thing to you and that it is from his decree you will: Reflect on the one who caused it to happen and not on the individual who harmed you.

2. Realize that the reason why Allah allowed others to overcome you is on account of your own sins: ”Whatever evil happens to you, is from your own soul” (Nisaa 4:79) Therefore, one should busy himself with REPENTANCE and not REVENGE.

   If he repents then the calamity will be a mercy for him.

3. Remember the reward of the forgiving patient people: “The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto (in degree): but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah: for (Allah) loves not those who do wrong” (Al-Shoora 42:40) If you are transgressed upon you may take more than your share of revenge and become yourself an oppressor, you may take revenge exactly equal to the transgression that you suffered, or you may forgive. How can you be exactly sure that you do not transgress in taking revenge? The answer is simple: forgive and don't run the risk of becoming an oppressor yourself. Although its chain is not strong, it is narrated that on the Day of Judgment a call will be made that one shall stand except those whose reward is upon Allah, that none should stand except those who forgave.
4. Realize that forgiveness will make your heart pure towards your Muslim brothers. You will taste the benefits of forgiveness and they will be far sweeter than retaliation. You will become from the Muhsineen (People who do good) and Allah loves such people. You will be like one who gives silver dirhams and gets in return golden dinars. You will save yourself from envy, which the Prophet (peace be upon him) said consumes good deeds like fire consumes sticks and wood.
5. Know that when a person retaliates he gets a low feeling but if he forgives he will be honored. The most truthful and trustworthy (peace be upon him) said: “Allah only increases a servant in honor on account of his forgiveness.”
6. If you want Allah to forgive you, then you should forgive others! The reward of a deed is from the same nature as the deed itself. If the wronged person realizes this then he will see that he must be, himself, an unjust sinner and should forgive in order to be forgiven by Allah.

   Allah ordered Abu Bakr to forgive the man who slandered his daughter in the verse: Let them pardon and forgive. Do you not love that Allâh should forgive you? And Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (An-Nur 24:22) You can just imagine Abu Bakr’s response to the verse; he forgave.

7. Typically retaliation is not for the sake of Allah anyway: forgive, don’t waste your time. Allah gives a directive to the Prophet: the Hour is surely coming, so overlook (O Muhammad SAW), their faults with gracious forgiveness.]. (Al-Hijr 15:85) You don't have time to waste plotting your revenge!
8. If you realize the reality of the state of your soul you will conclude that you DO NOT DESERVE THIS REVENGE! Although the Prophet was the most pure and noble person he never took revenge for himself. If this was the case with him, then what about us?
9. Remember that Allah is with those who are patient and that He will love them and will protect them from things that only He can protect them from (such as sadness, worries, etc..). Allah says: “And Allah loves those who are patient” (Al-Imraan 3:146) “Allah is with those who patiently persevere” (Baqara 2:153)
10. When the believer remembers that patience is one half of his faith, he will not want to lose some of his faith in order to get revenge. Through being patient and forgiving the believer will achieve mastery over his soul and repress and it will be under his control and unable to throw him into harmful things while if he gives it the revenge it desires the he will become its slave. If you are a true believer then Allah will defend you: “Verily Allah will defend (from ill) those who believe” (Al-Hajj 22:38)

[Khubah given by Br. Ashraf Ali on 6/29/2007 at Casey Center]